complete suicide

The sadest thing we as individuals will ever realize is that ultimately we are all alone and always will be…

The bathroom

The water was hot and sent lines of steam trailing up into the air. My red, freshly polished toes showing just above the water line. As if peaking out from the underneath..moist and warm.

The room was bathed in a golden candle light which pulsed and breathed with each eddie of air. It was so quiet. Not a sound at all. Like the world had breathed in and was holding its collective breath until the act was finished.

What is one to think in her last moments? I thought of crying but I wasnt sad so much as just detached. I thought of happiness. The emotion I hoped I would soon find if any emotion were to be found upon my death.

Thoughts went quickly at first and then slowly drifted through my mind and out the other side until I paid little attention to their content or meaning at all and they were just a soft distant murmer in the back of my head.

Things were getting a little softer around the edges as the pills efffects began to bleed into my sight. I held the razor and felt the coolness of its metal. I wasnt afraid. I pushed its perfectly pointed edge deep into my wrist watching the deep dark red first pool and then drip.

I had to do it quick. A moment of hesitation could be the difference between death and a trip to the mental hospital. In one quick motion I pulled its edge down my arm. I lay there watching the water become pink and then darken in to a beautiful rose red.

It started in my toes suprisingly. I watched their polish tips as they began to tingle and go numb and slide beneth the water. I felt the sensation crawl eagerly but slowly up my body. A noticeable vibration to the beat of my racing heart.

I was just an observer now. I wasnt even me. I was outside myself looking in. My sight grew more and more dull and then it faded all together. I thought at first it was the steam in my vision but the pills had made themselves known and the shock and loss of blood was finally setting in.

I didnt cry. I didnt evan say a word. Now my fingers and arms were buzzing with the draining of their life. Ohhh it felt sooo good. I was letting go; I was giving in. Nothing mattered except this wondereous sensation. My body was vibrating and I was fading and I closed my eyes and felt the sensation drift and pulse and steal me away.